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Wednesday, 21 December 2011

haha oops i forgot to post the content..

religious view on shit haha oh dear...

lists of shit...shit lists!

Today im going to do my own rendition of a shit list...so im going to start with the definition of shit.

shitpast participle, past tense of shit

Verb:
vulgar. Expel feces from the body.
Noun:
vulgar. Feces.
Exclamation:
vulgar. An exclamation of disgust, anger, or annoyance
and so onto the definition of a shit list..

shit list

Noun:
vulgar. A list of those whom one dislikes or plans to harm: "he was unaware of how deeply he had plunged on her shitlist".
anyway today is my list of all the things we use shit for...lets face it...shit is like chicken! its everything and its nothing....think about the things you say over a day...how many things could you substitue for the word shit and still have it make sense? come on...think about it...there's a lot of things isnt there hahah. so i present my list of uses for the word shit!
  • suck shit
  • shit for brains
  • full of shit
  • shit storm
  • shit head
  • tastes like shit
  • its can 'smell' like shit
  • you can take a shit
  • shit can be good
  • it can be bad shit
  • u can get shit faced
  • bull shit
  • it can be a shit hole
  • alternatively HOLY SHIT
  • shit can be used to describe ones belongings
  • shit can be used to descibe your feeling... we've all said it 'fuck i feel like shit'
  • you can break shit
  • take a shit
buy shit....try shit on  and while we are on the topic of 'shit' ...i found this list all about shit online and it nearly made my piss  myself from laughing so hard so im going to share it with you

THE DEFINITIVE SHIT LIST
  • THE GHOST SHIT
     The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.
  • THE CLEAN SHIT
     The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.
  • THE WET SHIT
     You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels un-wiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with skidmarks.
  • THE SECOND WAVE SHIT

    This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.
  • THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT

     Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit." You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
  • THE CORN SHIT

     No explanation necessary.
  • THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT

     The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
  • THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER SHIT

     The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
  • THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT" SHIT

     The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
  • THE WET CHEEKS SHIT

     Also known as the "Power Dump." The kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
  • THE LIQUID SHIT

     The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, burns your tender poop-chute.
  • THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT

     A class all its own.
  • THE CROWD PLEASER

     A shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
  • THE MOOD ENHANCER

     Occurring after a lengthy period of constipation, this shit allows you to be your old self again.
  • THE RITUAL

     This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
  • THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT

     A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
  • THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT

     This shit has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
  • THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT

     Any shit created in the presence of another person.
  • THE GROANER

     A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
  • THE FLOATER

     Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushings.
  • THE RANGER

     A shit that refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a piece of toilet paper.
  • THE PHANTOM SHIT

     Appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.
  • THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT

     Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
  • THE BOMBSHELL

     A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either Inappropriate to shit (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.
  • THE SNAKE CHARMER

     A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position... Usually harmless.
  • THE OLYMPIC SHIT

     Occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit.
  • THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT

     This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
  • THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT

     An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't shit.
  • PREMEDITATED SHIT

     Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
  • SHITZOPHRENIA

     Fear of shitting. Can be fatal! [Editor's note: shouldn't it be "Shitzophobia"?]
  • ENERGIZER vs. DURACELL SHIT

     Also known as a "Still Going" shit.
  • THE POWER DUMP SHIT

     The kind that comes out so fast, you've barely got your pants down and you're done.
  • THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT

     This shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log shit.)
  • THE SPINAL TAP SHIT

     The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.
  • THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" SHIT

     Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
  • THE PORRIDGE SHIT

     The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
  • THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT

     When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
  • THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT

     When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
  • THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHIT

     Also sometimes known as The Toxic Dump. Of course, you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
  • THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" SHIT

     You sit there patiently, waiting for the last cling-on to fall because if you wipe now, it's just going to smear all over the place.
hahaha what can i say....i have a warped sense of humour...

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Bad habbits and sex in public? :O

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ferral things that people do when no one is watching....lets face it we all have bad habbits right.....RIGGGGGGGGGGGHTT...we all know it even if we choose not to admit it. we all have our quirks its what makes us unique. unfortunately some bad habbits are worse than others. Lets face it the list goes on and on...nail biting, hair twirling, collective oral idiocy (the fuckers who say all the wrong shit at all the wrong times), lip biting pen tapping ect ect the list goes on...so i thought it would be interesting to see what other bad habbits were out there....and here is a few that made me laugh..


1. this one is aimed at men (rubbing up against random women in public while they have an erection) ...now men thats not a fucking bad habbit thats a problem :/
2. Sex in public.... well as far as bad habbits go thats not a bad one ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ncs9_VEc2S0 how to have sex in public and not get caught haha
3. coming in third....silent gastrointestinal disturbance in a crowded room.....(farting) you just have to love it when someone goes all out in close proximity and you feel like you can fucking taste the thing...

anyway that brings me to this...


CONSIDER THIS:

You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck or have shit for brains.
With a little effort you can get your shit together, find a place 
for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot. You can smoke 
shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and 
tell others to eat shit and die. You can shit or go blind, have a 
shit fit or just shit your life away. People can be shit headed, 
shit brained, shit blinded, and shit over or shit on. Some people 
know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between 
shit and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, 
and sweet shits. There is bullshit, and horse shit and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when the shit 
hits the fan. You can take a shit, give a shit, or serve shit on a 
shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit, or be happier than a 
pig in shit. Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter 
than shit, and some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds 
like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you 
feel like shit. You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the 
right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit. You can carry 
shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek 
without a paddle. Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes
you don't want any shit at all. Sometimes everything you touch 
turns to shit. You swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling 
like a rose. You can be faster than shit, or slower than shit.  
Sometimes you'll find shit on a stick, sometimes you'll find shit 
everywhere, and then there are times you can't find shit at all. 
You can slice shit, spread shit, dunk shit or jump shit, and some 
people just can't cut the shit.
  When you stop to consider all the facts, SHIT is the basic
building block of creation. This means the universe did not begin 
with a BIG BANG, but rather a BIG DUMP.  Keep that in mind the 
next time you flush the toilet.
  And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know 
anything else.


hmmmmmm i like it haha..... one could even say it was written by a peice of shit?? ;) who knows... anyway ill keep it short and sweet for now because little lady is awake but tomoro ill rock your socks off ;)
 
caio bella.
 
hmmmm before i go...feel free to share your scewed experiences of sex in public....ill include a few of mine in tomoro's blog for amusement purposes ;) i have many..

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Fuck me like you hate me and collective uniqueness ;)

Rarrrr............as you all know i havent done a new blog post in quite some time now....so i figured why not.................todays's as good a day as any..

so chrfistmas is coming up...i dont know about you but its cost me a fucking fortune...which is fine accept some fat red guy in a suit is going to get all my credit :/ i love that the kids beleive in santa but damn they must wonder why nan and grandad there dad and nan and poppie buy them shit but not mum....in fact they must think mums a real douch bag...while the god damn fat man gets the credit...you just gotta love it.

so whats new? hmmmmmm not much really...had my first run in with a ferral forrestfeild bitch in the parking lot at maccas. she was parked in the spot for waiting cars and wasnt waiting so i had to pull in pretty close to her to be where i needed to be...i wasnt even close to hitting her or anything like that..so she hangs out her car with another ferral bitch on the other side starts screaming at me 'ive got a baby in my car you stupid cunt' ect ect...some people must assuming im a fucking whimp....so i got out my car told her 'i have a fucking baby in my car to' so keep driving bitch...and she hits the acceleration and gets the fuck out of there....now that is classic forrestfeild....and that is why im moving back north lol i hate this hole...the park is awsome but other than that i wont miss any of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

new car....i got a new car since my last blog post.....and i fucking love it...its like...hmmm wearing a trainer bra compared to a push up bra.....its awsome i love my car...i even gave her a name...charil. dont ask me why charli but she is my beast......im far to prone to proving a point tho when a dickhead pulls up next to me at the lights....thus my car sticker 'YOU JUST GOT PASSED BY A GIRL'...... and jesus men hate that...yesterday i sat up the ass of a dick in a commodore..so he tapped the breaks...i over took him and he was pissed...put his hand up im sure he was going to flip me off until he saw i was a girl...then he sped up....a lot ;)

still getting hit on by lesbians....while its flattering....the only girl parts i have any interest in are my own ;) there is a lesbian woman that works at a petrol station i frequent...and she is always overtly over friendly...is fucking creepy.....maybe above my wings on my back i should get a new tattoo 'I LIKE COCK'.....ITS HARSH but it might get my point accross!!!

ive been feeling a bit impulsive lately...so i got my new peircing a couple of weeks ago. a 'medusa'....the annoying thing about peircings is people who dont know what one is say of nice...what the fuck is a medusa...so im going to put a breif list of definitions of basic peircings so i wont have to tell anyone again.....

eyebrow....if u dont know your an idiot
Nose...self explanatory
snake bites....the bottom of the lip which i have two
Labret...middle underneith the bottom lip
Tounge....derrrrrr
Beauty spots/ marilyn monroe...above the lip to the side..usually a small gem. i have two.
ears.....i only have 8 each ear but there are many varying styles
nipple....i want one but im a fraidy cat haha
vagina/clit...... erm your a braver fucking person than me if u go there....
prince albert.....a scary first date :P

so no more asking what is what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and no i dont have weird ones hidden anywhere ;)

so on to men.....we all know i get retarded dickheads cracking on to me all the time...my favourite is fucking indians and muslim men those who dont speak english and those who are older than my bloody dad....older is okay....but jesus! ive had a lot of dickheads crack onto me this year...but ive become quite adept at telling them politely to 'jog the fuck on'.....however...i do have a very 'hot' friend at the moment....makes things interesting dosent it.....lots of people are asking the question who the hell is he that ur interested for a change...but for now my lips are sealed ;)

thats pretty much it for me at the moment kiddies...of course there is always my birthday on monday but blah no plans lol....epic fail right? ;) im sure something will come up...maybe ill have a few drinks and we might get a very interesting new blog post..... todays was a catch up next time ill choose something firey or contraversial to chat about ;)

caio, bella.

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Yummy mummies survial guide!

So....i often get asked...how do i do it...im a single mum raising 3 kids...and im supposedly a 'yummy mummy'....so.......i thought id do a post about how i do things and still be 'me' at the same time...because hey lets face it..some people have kids and *BAM* they totally change and not nessisarily for the better.....dont get me wrong..change is good...losing who you are when u become a mum...not so cool.

So im going to lay the hard word down....WOMEN...just because we become mums..does not mean all of a sudden..we stop wearnign makeup (if u wore it before), that u suddenly live in trackies and baggy tshirts....that brushing our hair is now optional...trust me its not....kids take over your life i get that...but u still have to have a life...even if u dont get out...which hey i hardly do...dosent mean all of a sudden i have no interests no hobbies no things i like anymore im still the same me...just a different kinda me!!! we dont have to change completely when we become parents. people often say to me...your a mum..u cant have peircings or tattoos or dress nicely or wear those shoes...of course i fucking can!!!!! only a judgemental fuck head would presume to sat such crap....seriously...my ex's mum used to say shit like that to me all the time...u dont want people to judge u at school and by doing so judge your kids you'll be a bad reflection on them.....reflect this *****...im lucky not to have had that problem..people always seem to look beyond the surface...accept indians...i see any traditional indians in public and there stare in the most rude fucking way anyway losing track.... u still have to be who u are...its key to surviving motherhood and not looking back and thinking fuck i used to be so different...be the same just in a different way!!.. (BTW IF U WORE TRACKIES HODDIES AND SHIT BEFORE KUDDOS TO U AND FEEL FREE TO KEEP DOING IT...I REALISE TRACKIES ARE COMFY SOMETIMES...I DONT OWN ANY SO IM NOT SAYING NEVER HAHA)...

next thing...dont let people tell u the way u raise you kids is not the right way...because if they do..immolitely tell them to shove it up there ass...the way you raise your kids is your business only and if it works for you and yours its right and all good..

if you dont want to get unsolicited advice make sure u dont give it either..singing a merry tune in your head while tuning out works a treat!!!

be honest...if your not coping GET SOME FUCKING HELP...raising kids isnt easy especially for us single parent folk but even for those out there with partners...take a break sometimes..it may seem the impossible dream but if u want it sometimes u have to work hard to make it happen...

If u got your hair done regullarly before having kids...dont stop! no one loves a skunk stripe..if u cant afford it? go the home job if you choose your colour right and keep it looking fresh its affordable and u will look a million bucks.

makeup...did u wear it before kids? then no exscuse...keep on wearing it...i often get the 'i dont have time'... yes YOU DO..im a single mum of an 8 week old baby a 3 year old and a 5 year old and if i can make 5 mins to put my makeup on every morning so can u...and it makes so much of a difference to how i feel about myself as a mum..making sure the hairs nice the makeups on im dressed reasonably all these things count to keeping it real!!!!

i often get asked how do i do it...this parts the serious part...people often cant beleive i cope alone with three kids...and hey its not always easy...but here is the trick.. ROUTINES..yes we have all heard the words before..and to be honest before i had my oldest in school i didnt have one at all..the kids were always in bed late sleeping in everything was chaos...so i have epic routines that are set in stone..my kids know whats going on i know whats going on..for example 4pm bubba has her bath 4.30pm the boys always know its bath time 5pm i start dinner always the same every day..8.30pm the boys go to bed same thing every day...and the second is time management which goes hand in hand with routine... if u dont manage your shit everything gets on top of u...some days i dont even get to sit down..its a flurry of go go go..but lifes like that sometimes...thats when a long bath a good book or anything for some u time...

you time...very important...i honestly dont get much and need more...try however possible to get some..also important to keeping it real as a mum...we are not our kids...they are our kids if that makes sense

i could go on about this stuff allllllll day....but at the end all i can say is i survive because i love my kids no matter how difficult they can be...i keep it real, i remember to be myself not just a mum..i wasnt always a mum im still a person. i have good routines, i dont listen to other people i do what works for me and my kids! so remember mummies...you can be a yummy mummy and survive without changing who u are completely

and remember SMILE, play with the kids...have a coffee or a tea...lifes not that bad even when it is..

xoxox
Caio bella..

Saturday, 9 July 2011

Tattoo this and pretty bitches!

Soooooo firstly there may not be any blogs for a bot on account of moving house in a weeks time...blah to that...moving house sucks the big one...the packing and all the expenses...its like they force u to stay because its so damn expensive to get the hell out hahah ahh well

so on to the pretty bitches...there are soooooooo many of them out there arent there? sometimes im out and about and think shit.... and then i think kiss me ass haha...but then. i get told im hot or pretty a lot..i dont know what drugs people are taking because i dont see myself that way...but id like some.. And hey STILL SINGLE...so i cant be THAT hot or good looking lol..but im still fucking awsome lol... im not a stick i dont have a models body either...hey three kids spent a good deal of time stretching my shit out in various places :0...but u get that...i have to admit tho...sometimes i look around and see other women..obese or really hairy or just plain unfortunate looking with there men and husbands and think fuck...surely i look better than that and im still single WTF....god damn...but i think ive put myself in a position of men think i look good to play with but not to take home to mummy...so fuck off men like that....and a big KUDDOS...and also a massive FUCK YOU to these hot women out there that i wish i looked like some days haha but also hate....boo to u lol jealous much??

anyway for people following my blog this is what i look like currently...

so moving on to tattoo this...we all know i love my tattoos...i plan on getting three more this year...yikes i better move my ass...being that the year is fast dissolving and i was pregnant for half of it haha... so it got me thinking about weird tattoos that people get...but first my top three tattoo places to get tattood in perth australia north of the river mostly being thats where i am...would be
1. Tattoo this in greenwood
2. Marc pinto at primitive in perth city
3. Cherry bomb also in perth city

my advice when getting a tattoo...would be..

1. dont sweat it..relax and enjoy sure it hurts a bit but its not that bad if u cant handle pain perhaps rethink a tattoo.
2. dont use numbing cream. the effect is incredably temporary needs to be applied in advance and wont work the whole tattoo
3. be creative...dont go in and look through a book and choose some random generic sketch that 500 other people have..yes look take ideas and create...tattoos are art
4. choose your artist carefully...u would go get plastic surgury without shopping around?
5. look at the art on your tattoo artists skin..if u can see any be wary of there appreciation for the art.
6. dont get one on a whim, be well thought out first and remember ink is for life and very expensive to remove.
7. If you dont know what u want and have to search and search DONT GET A FUCKING TATTOO...

www.primitivebodypiercing.com/
www.hotfrog.com.au/.../Cherry-Bomb-Tattoo-and-Piercing-Parlour
and sorry couldnt find one for tattoo this...some of my best work came from there...

not for the faint hearted :?

what a fucking knob...

serosuly wtf???

okay little miss is stiring so ill finiish this one later...caio for now
luv bella..
and im on the hunt for some really awsome tattoo work to share with u all to
xox